First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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