He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
