I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
