Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
