how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I will be naked everywhere
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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