I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
