Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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