Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
