you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
