she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
