Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
