I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
