do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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