I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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