I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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