My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
