Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
