You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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