He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
