She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize