put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
