The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
