My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
