Where is the hickey?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
