Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
