I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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