We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
