we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
