Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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