I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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