Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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