I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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