All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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