Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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