Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
