I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
