Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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