I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
