its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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