The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
