words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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