This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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