We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
