You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
