jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
