Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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