There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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