if only i could text you this smell
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
