just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
All I want is dick and wine.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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