And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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