I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
