hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
