Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
