So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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