when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize