we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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