Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize