We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
