New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
