You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize