When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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