youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
