Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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