don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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