Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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