Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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