drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
