He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
