note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize