I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
