Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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