I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
