you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
