I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
